"i dun know why you are so hostile these days"

hm ... let's try and seive out all the possible reasons why i might have been hostile this morning

we met on the mrt & talked about her cut on the hand and how she could sleep in the office in the mornings because not many people are needed.

"it's not as if we sell fish ... we only need to sign ..." was what she told me when i exclaimed at how they could sleep in the office, "they are friendly people and they won't wake me up even when I sleep."

so it's fine till here i guess ...

i pointed to her bag's side pouch, "you dun wan to zip ar?"

"there's nothing inside"
"there's something inside, think it's tissue or something"
"aiya haha ... tissue people want to take let them take loh. if they really urgent & need, let them take loh ..."
"that's not what i meant. i meant i just want to remind you if you had wanted to zip."
"no. i din want to zip. why cant you take jokes? ok. maybe i cant take jokes too."
"err ... herher ..."

Then the whole time after that we din talk. I held her hand while we were walking but it slipped off later because i allowed the jelly hand to.

when we reached her bus stop, we started talking about the problems. accordingly i din get it. when we were approaching her workplace, as an ending off statement, i said,

"I hope I didn't spoil you day."

"You did!" and she went off to her office.

"The next time I don't come with you." I shouted out loud to her in a distance.

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what about last night?

she sent me hasty sms replies. so i could see that she's really busy and didn't really prefer to reply. i understood that and so did not even send a good night message.

this morning she asked me whether i was going to school. i replied "i thot i told you last night i going to school?" i was wondering how come she din know even when i sent her sms.

later in the morning she explained to me that she din even reply some of the other people at all. sounds fair and priveleged to me.

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these days she has in a way been appearing tired and sleepy and she has been saying that i've been hostile and agressive. but i dunno where are the problems and am not in the mood to solve the problems.

at the same time i dun wish to find out that this whole thing is totally my fault.

just one more thot that perhaps girls dun really do what they always say either. for e.g. in this case, girls always ask guys to be more appreciative, things like "i'm doing this for you. instead of showing gratitude, you're showing me displeasure." this is what exactly i felt these few days. feels like not only was the accompaniment to school not needed, it turned out destructive and making it a worser experience to school. really feel like stopping these all together, feel so useless.