in persepctive

i have been great with my new attitude.

my old self tried to re-surface.

the pessimistic-for-nothing self.

the self which wants to be really dependent & wants to totally rely on others

the self which expects the world to do everything for me

it seems like a pretty impractical thing to do

at least for the losses imminent, shld i keep with that.

i have to make a choice between pushing for a practically-useful attitude

& getting back emo-ing again, be weak, all in the name actualizing my bare, real personal feelings

seriously, after trying it that way for so many times, have i not learnt it yet?

am i gonna destroy more things, wasting more time, youth & opportunities in life?

the choice seems obvious

but now it's about HOW to do it.

1st, things are actually pretty wonderful, until i start to think about a lot of things

that's always the problem with myself. i always generate random emotions without much grounds or even reasons.

what i always should have really done is to give 2nd thot to my feelings. to confirm if i'd destroy things for nothing, feeling that way i feel ... let me work on that for now. :) hope i'm on my way to a really close & long-lasting relationship! :)

problem?

extend the sweetness & this nice enjoyment


1. Willingness to make it work - Check

2. Compatibility - ?

3.


She was strong & direct about this:

when i showed my lack of confidence,

she told me, "you know what? when i started out with you, i had another choice you know?"

"i was choosing between the 2 of you."


i'd say she's qte cool

heart-felt stuff going on

old self re-emerging

my old pessimistic self

how i love to shoot myself in the foot

i need someone who cares about nothing but me

i need someone who's totally for me

i need someone who knows that i am just pessimistic and would do great as long as she loves me


she doesn't really seem to be that kind

when i said, "all i need is probably reassurance"

"like i care," was what she said.

i'd just like to ask if someone who fully matches me, exists.


she's captured by the interesting & the images

while i, look only for love.


i might be tired of these things

tired of getting ejected from places which find me unsuitable


i am indeed confused.

i have such bouts of emotional waves which stem from no reasons

this is very unhealthy

& it would probably be one of the fatal reasons for the ends of my relationships


i need a lot of patience from her.

but who on earth has that?